It’s Saturday and he woke me up at 8:00 a.m. But I had asked him last night to call me before he left for his doctor’s appointment. “I love to hear your voice first thing in the morning” I said. He said he had written a short poem and asked me if I wanted to hear it. “Of course! You don’t have to ask!” I replied with a big smile. But, maybe because I was still half asleep (and there was a very bad phone connection for brief seconds). I couldn’t understand it very well. He said it was ok and that he would read it to me again later today. I did my best to go back to sleep, my body wanted to, but my mind was churning with so many thoughts that it simply didn’t happen. I called him on his cellphone exactly an hour later, just to make sure he was ok and to tell him I love him. After all, my mind still drifts back to last Saturday morning when he called me to tell me he had been in a car accident.

How long has it been since I wrote about anything? Oh yeah, since the first time I met him and he made this huge impression on me. Well, as a matter of fact, if truth be told, he had already impressed me the first time we ever talked on the phone. Big time.

But, if you are wondering why I hadn’t written all this time, I have one word for that . . . well, actually two: fear and fear of embarrassment. I know, I know . . . that’s four words total! Why fear? Simply because so many times before I had said to myself, and out loud, that a certain person was “the one”. Hence, the fear of embarrassment and having to admit that, once again, I was wrong. Believe me, it’s tough enough having to admit to oneself that one was wrong. In my life, it has taken me anywhere from fifteen years to nine months to realize how screwed up things were in a relationship. And that I wasn’t doing a thing to remedy the situation. Many times I consciously felt like I was being taken advantage of because, here I was, wholeheartedly dedicating my life to these men, only to end up heartbroken. But, unlike other women who would swear not to fall in love ever again in their life time, I remained hopeful that things would turn out well one day. “That someone special HAS to be somewhere out there!” I would always say to myself.

And, here I am . . . writing again . Yet once again, to prove to myself that this time I might not be wrong. I don’t want to be wrong. Something inside me tells me I’m not wrong this time. And I usually trust my instincts. It has taken me 50 years to find true love, but I’m positive this time that he is “the one”.

There were so many precious moments along these almost seven last months when I wished I could have been able to stop time in its tracks. On the other hand, I have been able to treasure all these wonderful moments in my mind and my heart. But sometimes memory fades and you can’t retain those small details, no matter how much you want or try to. I should have written before. But I had fears. I didn’t want to do the same things I had done in the past with other relationships that had not, let’s say, turned out all that great.

Call it “kabala” if you will, but sometimes I tend to do this. Although, I sort of regret it. One of my friends was constantly asking me if I was writing about this new relationship and I said, “Of course I am!”. But I was lying through my teeth and, even though it was what I considered just a little white lie, I could sure feel Mother Earth beneath me was going to open up anytime soon and swallow me whole every time my friend would ask! In my defense, I guess I could just say that “certain things are better left untold”, right? Maybe. Moreover, even if I tried to write about all those memories that are trying to squash together in my mind right now, it would not come out just right. Things have to be told at the right time and the right moment. Or so I think. Unless, of course, you are writing the “memoires” of your life, but this is not such case.

Let’s just say that he is all and everything to me. My very life. And not just because he wrote a couple of poems for me (although I have to admit that he melted my heart in doing so!) or gave me this lovely pearl necklace for my fiftieth birthday. True love goes beyond that. There are certain things that are hard to explain. This is one of them. I’m head over heals in love. I really don’t know how to explain the way I feel about him. I love him with all my heart and I can’t imagine loving anyone else. I have to confess that I’ve felt this way practically since I met him. Back then I was even trying to convince myself that I shouldn’t let myself fall for a guy that much after only a few weeks, but I couldn’t help it. And, sure enough, I don’t regret it. He is so special. Simply incredible. Some of you that know me well will assent with a smile on your face while reading this.

And I know some of you will not and, in fact, you think that he is not the right person for me. To those of you, even if you mean well, and even at the risk of sounding pretentious or rude, let me just tell you this: Sorry, but I couldn’t care less!

Even if don’t live long enough to enjoy love the way I always intended or if something happens, Bobby will always be that “special one”.