by Maggie Voysest

Gigi and Double Trouble… or Gigi and her bombshell blonde twins

As Gigi walked up to her twins, she was holding Fred’s hand, and she saw with surprise that her twins were on either side of… Chad, her Bellevue Dad!! How the heck had he found them? She felt a slight twinge of jealousy. He had never looked at HER that way. Now if you remember, Chad was one of the men who always made Gigi feel good, because he was always there to flirt with in the clubs, and since they never took it to the next level, there was never any disappointment. Now Gigi had to be honest, in that if she ever had a choice, they would take it to the next level, and the next, and all the possible levels there were. Chad was simply yummy, an African American God, really sweet and funny, and nice to boot.

Now to go back in time just a little, remember that Gigi had begun to spend every other weekend with her new friend Helen, as they relaxed, wrote their book together, and went out at night to collect more “material”. Well, there was no real “collecting”, only some sampling or flirting going on, since Gigi had to drive back to Helen’s at night, and Helen was slower at taking men home than Gigi was. And yet it was a new and exciting time for Gigi. She had learned to say no… and mean it! At least she had learned to say, “No” in a “Not now” kind of way, which gave them both some time to think about it, and she probably avoided a lot of future mistakes.

This wouldn’t last for long though, and soon you’ll read more chapters with Gigi’s future letdowns. In fact, she did have sort of another let down this weekend. A mini-let down, but a let down nonetheless. Just read on, and you’ll see what Gigi had to deal with this time. Last time with Helen, Gigi had met Demian, and they had never finished what they started. Soon Gigi had deleted him from her Iphone and her memory (yes, she still kept a photo of him, just in case…), but he just wasn’t interested enough in getting together, and Gigi was done chasing men.

Gigi had been looking forward to meeting Heidi. Helen had told Gigi so much about her identical twin. They had been practically identical when younger, and it was only now, as they got older, that they looked a little different. Yet they were both tall, 5″8′, with impossibly long, blond hair that they still curled with hot rollers (their mother was a beautician), and they were so striking looking. Gigi had met twins throughout her life, but only as her students. She’d never had friends that were twins, and she was intrigued by the possibility. She knew that men loved meeting twins and fantasized nonstop about them, and she wondered what it would be like to hang out with them in a club. Would she, Gigi, be totally ignored? Would men talk more to her… in order to meet the twins? Or would men still gravitate towards Gigi? Let’s see if your guess is correct.

When Gigi showed up at Helen’s house, her twin Heidi was already there. Gigi was kind of shocked by how similar they were: the same laugh, the same voice, the same hairstyle, the same look. And yet as she looked more closely at them, she could tell the differences; not in their bodies, but something in the look in their eyes. Helen’s were more warm and friendly, whereas Heidi’s were a little more reserved and not as effusive, although she was just as friendly. They also had a different way in which they acted around men, as Gigi would all too soon discover.

Helen was very touchy-feely, and openly flirted, with a happy girly insouciance. She was always smiling and touching the men, on their faces, their hair, their bodies. She was very friendly, and made them all smile at her antics. And yet, it was if they knew that Helen was in it for the long-term, to find a man who’d marry her, and help raise her son. So they tended to flirt with her, and then ran far, far away, never calling her despite having asked her for her phone number.

It’s as if they woke up the next day, reached for their phones to call Helen, and suddenly threw the phone away, as though it had just burned their fingers, as though they could already see with horror something golden and round on their ring finger, imprisoning them in an unwanted marriage. They’d delete her number and thank their lucky stars they’d narrowly avoided being caught in her golden net. Her long tendrils of blonde hair would not be allowed to curl around their fingers, their hands, their necks. Oh no. Not from a deserted island a thousand miles away (ok, maybe just in the nearby city, but far enough away that they felt safe again). Men either wanted to marry Helen within weeks, or else they ran away, afraid that they’d end up marrying before their time. Or else the men she turned away became stalkers… but that’s another chapter.

Heidi played hard to get, and therefore men seemed to chase her more. Heidi seemed more casual, and men thought they’d get further with her, without having to get so involved. Not that Heidi was more casual about dating than Helen was. It’s just that her lifestyle was different. She didn’t have a son, and had a more active social life. Heidi worked as a 911 emergency phone dispatcher, and hung around cops all day and night long. She knew perfectly well how to handle men, and bend them to do her will. She was dating an ex-cop, although they seemed to be more off than on. He was not the nicest man, and was very jealous and possessive… a fact which would soon become very clear that weekend. She seemed so relieved to be away from his clutches and free to have fun with her twin, and with Gigi, with whom she quickly became friends.

Twins. Wow. Gigi kept thinking about it all weekend. When they were out at night, if she lost one, well… she still had one more. If she lost both? Well, then that was darn right careless of her, and she’d have to go find one of them, somehow always to be found dancing with a man, never alone for a minute. Now of course, they said the same thing about Gigi… that she attracted men with her confidence and joie de vivre. The three together were a lethal combination and it took Ferndale and Royal Oak weeks to recover.

They decided to introduce Heidi to the disco/80’s bar that night, so off they went to Boogie Fever, stopping to flirt with the bouncer on the way in, who did a double take when he saw Gigi and her twins. “Just one two weeks ago, and now two,” said Gigi, with a mischievous grin. Both twins hugged him and they took photos, soon displayed on their face book pages. They pranced into the club, and heads immediately began to swivel. Gigi thought she could get used to this. If she was really lucky, she’d get those who didn’t get to catch the twins’ eyes.

Within minutes, both twins were dancing with a man. These men changed as the night went on, never the same one for too long. And they were always left with a slightly dazed look in their faces when they saw the woman they were dancing with had a double. Gigi could actually have made money by selling tickets: just for an intro to the twins!! What were you thinking? She’d never pander her twins’ flesh, not for any amount of money. She didn’t try selling introductions that night, but the thought was never far from her mind.

Now of course, we know by now that Gigi prefers African American men, and Boogie Fever was always full of them. Since the twins seemed to prefer tall white men, Gigi thought she’d have a fighting chance to find herself a man to dance and flirt with. It didn’t take too long before she saw one. He was simply beautiful, standing quietly to the side, not dancing, but just looking around. He looked like the singer Seal, but without the scarred face (although Seal is still striking despite the scars).

He was beautifully dressed, and when their eyes met, he smiled at Gigi. She loved it when men smiled. It showed a soft, fun side, and that they weren’t too conceited or arrogant. It also made them easier to approach. Now Gigi had a sure fool-proof way of finding out if a man liked her. Ready for it? She’d simply dance. Dance her heart and feet out near them, eyeing them beneath her long eyelashes to see if they were watching. If they looked and glanced away, and never looked back, then she’d know she was just not their type. If they looked and kept on looking, then she knew all she had to do was reel them in, if she was so interested. Well the Seal look-alike was hooked from the first glance. He kept looking at Gigi as she danced to Abba and Bee Gees songs, and he’d smile.

The other good thing about dancing away in front of them was that it gave her an excuse to stop to get water, stand right by him, and fan herself with her hand. If this wasn’t a good way to start talking, then what was? Gigi liked the men to come to her. And they did. Fred didn’t resist for long. They were soon talking about the bar and the music, and all the people dancing. It was his first time there (if he was to be believed which of course Gigi never did anymore). He hadn’t danced at all yet, and he was there on his own. Do men do this a lot? Very few women will ever go to a bar on their own because they stand out too much. Men, I guess, don’t care, and it is probably easier for them to pick women up then. Of course, Gigi didn’t think about this till later.

From that moment on Fred and Gigi were inseparable. He asked her to dance, and proved yet another myth true, that all black men can dance. He was even able to do some salsa moves to a Gloria Estefan song that came on, and he picked up what Gigi taught him very quickly. He was a smooth and sexy dancer, but very respectful about the way his body moved around Gigi’s. He did not seem like a loose player at all, and they talked as they danced.

He’d been in the military and had traveled all over Europe. He was intelligent and nice and funny, and so of course Gigi was intrigued and attracted to him. As the night went on, he made certain remarks about the words of songs that showed Gigi he was interested in her, such as that it really was “a good night” when the words said that “Tonight’s gonna be a good good night.” He might have meant it in a different way than Gigi. She thought it was good they met. He probably thought he’d get to take her home, and it would be a good night. Little did he know that Gigi didn’t do that anymore.

Still by the end of the night, they were holding hands and had kissed, and he’d asked for her number. He did come right out and ask if she would go home with him. Gigi told him that she couldn’t. That she was in charge of her twins, and taking them home. He tried to convince her to take them home, and then come meet him. Gigi told him no. Wow. She was getting good at this no thing. He didn’t give up and said that maybe they could get together the next day or on Sunday. He told her to call him when she got home. Mmm pillow talk on the phone was another one of Gigi’s favorite activities.

Now while they were dancing, Gigi had caught a glimpse of Chad, her Bellevue Dad (she’d taught his daughter years ago at her Bellevue school district, hence his nickname). He’d smiled at her, and given her the thumbs up on her dance partner. When the night was over, Fred and Gigi walked around to find her twins, and found them with Chad, who suggested they all go eat some breakfast together. Fred was invited too, but he said he had to go home because he had to get up early. He gave Gigi one last kiss and disappeared… to be seen again? Hmm…read on and you‘ll find out. Chad decided he should go home too, but made plans to hang out with them the next night. The girls went to eat by themselves, and so it was very late by the time they got home. And yes. Gigi called Fred and had some fun pillow talk, which intrigued her enough to think about seeing him on her own on Sunday.

Now all that night Heidi’s highly jealous ex-cop boyfriend had been texting nonstop (the ex-cop situation had to do with his violent nature). He had logged into their joint telephone account to see whom Heidi might be calling or texting, and he’d found out that there’d been some late night texting with some new unrecognized numbers. So Heidi and Helen and the ex-cop, we’ll just call him the jealous one, sent each other nasty texts all night long. Heidi came with lots of excitement and drama. Helen was definitely the less drama twin of the two. Gigi was already exhausted after just one night, little knowing what was still to come.

The next day they spent some girl time together, shopping at the mall, getting another facial and make-over, and then eating out and flirting with sweet Abe the waiter. For their second night, they’d decided to go to Black Finn in Royal Oak, that also had music, but was more of a bar. Chad soon showed up, and for the first half of the night was heavily flirting with Heidi. Gigi had received a phone call from Fred, and had not found anyone (apart from Chad of course) whom she liked, so she was content to dance, and sit down every now and then to spare her aching feet. For some reason on all these weekends out, Gigi always had more fun the first night (in which she invariably met someone), and then chilled or took it easy the second night.

She did see some cute Latino men, however, and soon was chatting them up. One was simply adorable, and Helen kept telling him that she wanted to have his babies. Poor man. He didn’t know if he was understanding her correctly or not, being newly moved from Mexico and all, and his English was (as the Puerto Rican singer, Celia Cruz was known for saying) “not very good looking” and not quite perfect. He probably didn’t want to ask Helen if she was wanting to marry him or simply use him to impregnate herself. Gigi kind of liked him, but he was obviously attracted mainly to the twins.

All too soon, the night was almost over, and Gigi had lost both her twins. So she looked around for tall blond girls and for Chad. She found Chad. Alone. Abandoned. Stunned and amazed that this had happened to him (probably the first time his charm didn’t work on a woman). “Oh Chad,” thought Gigi. “You picked the wrong woman. I’d never leave you alone.” They began to talk, as they sometimes did, about his daughters and ex-wife, and how he was estranged from his daughters because of her. She always felt so sad for him at this. She asked where Heidi was, and he said she’d left him, and was now flirting with a tall, white guy, with Helen right by her side, chatting up the man’s friend.

So Chad left. With Gigi’s eyes following him longingly. Oh for just one perfect night with him. Couldn’t someone give him to her as a birthday or Christmas present? But sadly no. It just wasn’t meant to be. Gigi was left alone to fend for her twins, and the night really began to take a turn for the downright hilarious and incredible. Gigi, our Gigi, our thoroughly confused Gigi and woman of many an adventure, became the prim and proper chaperone Superior nun Gigi. Yes, I know. Hilarious and downright unbelievable. Yet Gigi wasn’t about to just let anyone mess with her twins and take them home like the night’s prize. Uh uh. Not under her watch. Of course Gigi was also thinking that if she’d given up two seriously hot black men in the past few weeks, there was no way in hell that her blonde twins would get the action that Gigi had said no to. Fair’s fair. If Gigi was going to be forced to be celibate, then so would they be.

At the end of the night, she walked up to her twins, who’d had way too much to drink, and were both swaying happily. Helen more so than Heidi. They were hanging on to the arms of two beautifully dressed white men in their 30’s, both wearing business suits and ties, and looking as though they had stepped out of the pages of JQ. They seemed nice enough, although Gigi soon changed her mind, and realized that appearances are not what they always seem.

As usual, they were all starving. So Gigi led the way to Leo’s, a nearby restaurant where all of Royal Oak partiers went to at 2 AM for breakfast. It was absolutely mobbed, and Helen’s guy, (or was it Heidi’s guy?) announced to them all that he was going to go to the kitchen to order food for them to take home. This seemed to go over the twins’ comprehension, but Gigi looked at him as though he had suddenly grown two heads. Was he joking? Was he totally nuts? Did he really think they were all going to happily waltz over to his place…him and his twin, his friend and his twin, and Gigi as a third wheel? Or would that be a fifth wheel?

“We’ll eat here, thanks,” she told him with the first dirty look of the night, as in her head she had already found the perfect nickname for him, one Kelly and Susan would have been proud of. Jerk Thing 1 didn’t say a word, and soon Gigi had grabbed a table when she saw someone leave. They all sat down in the booth and Gigi picked up a menu. Which Jerk Thing 1 proceeded to take out of her hand. “I’ve already ordered for us,” he informed her, as Gigi proceeded to shake her head in disbelief. Had all courtesy just flown out the window? Had she stepped through Alice’s mirror into a land of rudeness and disbelief?

“I’ll order for myself, thank you very much,” she snapped. And so she did. When his food arrived, she saw that it was omelets smothered in cheese, and she informed him that she was highly allergic to cheese, and that he should take it as a lesson to never, ever again order for a woman he didn’t know. Now up this moment, the other guy had been quietly trying to get Helen to kiss him, without much luck. When Gigi’s food arrived, she asked him politely for the salt, not wanting to think he was an idiot too, just because of the company he held. But no. He soon earned his nickname of Jerk Thing 2, as he purposely proceeded to dump the whole container of sugar… SUGAR… on Gigi’s fries!! If Gigi could have screamed, she would have.

At this point she turned to her food and began to talk to three very young college boys sitting in the booth next to her, biting her tongue when Jerk Thing 1 asked her if she thought they were “dick heads”. His choice of words, not hers. She didn’t deign him with a response, but continued to smile at Dimples and Tattoos next to her. They, at age 20 something, were way more courteous than dickheads Jerk Thing 1 and 2 at 30 something. Gigi also began to text Chad, telling him what was going on, and what he did next was the sweetest thing ever. He’d already gone home, but he got up again and came out to rescue Gigi and her twins (probably more the twins than Gigi), but still he was soon on his way.

Of course, Gigi needed no rescuing. As said before, these were her twins, and no one was taking advantage of their drunken stage. Once they were done eating, Jerk Thing 1 suggested they all go to one of their homes to drink, and asked where they all lived. Gigi lied and said that they all lived far away, and that nothing was open. Helen and Heidi were practically comatose and asleep by this point, and were neither agreeing nor disagreeing to the suggestions offered by the Jerk Things in business suits… Armani was covering up some real snakes tonight.

So Gigi stood up, looked at Jerk Thing 1 and Jerk Thing 2 in the eyes and told them, quite matter-of-factly, that Helen and Heidi were HER twins, and that they were not going to get to go home with them, not tonight, not on her watch. She told them that if they liked them so much, they needed to act like the gentlemen they were dressed up to look like, and ask the girls for their phone numbers and that they could call them tomorrow when they were sober. And that once the girls were sober, then it would be their choice as to what they would do with the men. But that tonight, Gigi had brought them out, and Gigi was taking them home.

Jerk Thing 1 and 2 simply gaped in amazement. Jerk Thing 2 asked Helen if Gigi was telling the truth, that she wasn’t going to take him home. Helen told him that she had warned him from the beginning that she was just a flirt and had no intentions of going home with him. “But I didn’t think you meant that,” he whined nasally. Heidi looked at Jerk Thing 1 and reminded him that she’d told him she had a boyfriend. And both twins looked gratefully at Gigi for having taken control. “Whew,” thought Gigi, who’d been afraid she might have offended Heidi, whom she didn’t know as well as she knew Helen.

Gigi looked at the men and gave her last words and famous last lines. She told the men that they had picked the wrong women. That her twins didn’t go home with strangers. That she, Gigi had been known to do so on occasion, although now she had turned over a new leaf. “You should have picked me to go home with. I might have said yes,” she told them. All of a sudden two voices piped up from the next booth, “I’ll go home with you!” exclaimed Dimples and Tattoos at the same time.
“Oh babies, Gigi could eat you two for breakfast and still have room for more,” said Helen who was now waking up, and enjoying the scene.
“I can handle her,” said Tattoos. “I have Rock n Roll tattooed on my…” as he lowered his pants, and Gigi craned her neck to try and catch a glimpse of said tattoo…

You’d think by now the Jerk Things would have given up. Oh no. they had to give it one last shot.
“Why don’t we all go to our hotel for a drink at the bar?” he suggested.
At this Gigi almost lost it. “Hold it right there mister. Hotel? Hotel? Are you kidding me? Do you mean to say that you are not even from around here?”
“Oh no. We are here for a wedding. I’m from New York and he’s from Colorado.”
“And you thought you could just waltz into the bar and take my twins as your wedding prizes? I don’t think so. We are leaving now girls.”

The Jerks only slightly redeemed themselves in Gigi’s eyes by offering to take them to their cabs in their taxi. It was a cold night, and a long walk to Gigi’s car, so she gratefully accepted, but only after telling the bemused taxi cab driver that he was to take her and the twins to her car, and then take the men far, far away, and not let them convince him to follow them home.

Now during all this, Chad had come and gone, looking for the girls and somehow not seeing them; then texting Gigi, and joining them for a bit, and leaving again, and somehow making contact with Heidi again, and they began to text back and forth at 3 AM.

And that was that. Or not… Gigi and Chad texted for a while longer laughing about that night, as he told her that he couldn’t wait to read about it all in her Gigi memoirs. Gigi finally fell asleep at 4 AM, only to be awoken an hour later by a very angry Chad, who asked why no one had told him that Heidi had a very jealous fiance. Gigi immediately felt terrible, but that was Heidi’s story to share, and didn’t Chad have his own girl friend? Or had had one a few months ago? She asked Chad how he knew about the fiance, and he said that the crazy jealous ex-cop had called him, asking who he was and why he was texting and calling his fiancee at ungodly hours of the morning!! OMG and WTF!! Gigi had to go tell this to Heidi, who then spent the rest of that night/morning angrily breaking up with her ex-cop for the umpteenth time, as Gigi apologized to Chad for his being put in the middle of it. Maybe twins in Gigi’s life was more excitement than she’d planned on…

All too soon, the weekend was over, and Gigi was home, frantically running around cleaning once again because Fred was coming over, and since she wasn’t Ginger Rogers, and he wasn’t Fred Astaire, they surely wouldn’t be dancing. Before she knew it, he was sitting on her couch, and his beautiful hands were massaging her neck and shoulders, giving her the promised massage as he whispered in her ear, “Oh by the way. I really thought that I should tell you something, I’m married.”

Gigi would have fallen down if she wasn’t on the couch. Are you kidding me? What? Did Gigi have a “Mess with me” sign on her head that attracted all the liars and losers and married men? No way, Jose. Gigi had really learned how to say no to this one. So even though he had found her weak spot behind her neck, even though she had broken out into mega goose bumps galore, she told him that although she wasn’t looking for a relationship per se, married men were O.U.T. As out as Jerk Things flying in for a wedding and thinking they’d score. So no one had sex that weekend. No one. Except maybe Dimples and Tattoo, with the cute waitresses… or with each other. Who knew anymore in Gigi’s world.

To read Part XXII, see The Adventures of a Thoroughly Confused Gigi – Part XXII