What Next?

From the diary of Penelope Halwind:

Dec 31

I am now certain I know who Nightshade is, but if I’m wrong I’ll be the laughingstock of Gotham…

​I once again looked at the dried nightshade bloom. It was the day after Christmas and I was expecting at least Lady Panther to bring in a good deal of business. Unfortunately, a knock at my office door brought me face to face with the insane clown who calls himself Joker.

Now Joker was tall, lean, and psychotic. His skin was paler than an albino and his hair green as emeralds. He favored purple, long coats, and wide brimmed hats. Rumor had it that he was in some chemical accident, but I never asked. It would explain a lot, though, including why his smile seemed to go from ear to ear, literally. It was not aesthetic in his thin, long face.

Usually he brought in really rare objects (or really fake) because he had what he called “grand schemes” for crimes. Once he had tried to pass of a melted mass of cubic zirconium as a huge diamond. He always asked for way too much for his items, too.

He was giving me one of his sick, twisted smiles. There was just something in his eyes that made you think he was about to snap, and his smiles never reached them. He actually made me uncomfortable, which is hard to do. I tried to stay professional.

​”Good evening, Joker.”

He pushed past me. My henchmen moved toward him. I waved them aside.

“I have a late Christmas present for ya, Pidgey HAHAHAHAHA!”

​I scowled a bit. I still hate the rude bas…. cretin. He dropped the biggest canary diamond I had ever seen on my desk.

​”I even remembered your fondness for little birdies HAHA…. It’s a canary diamond, get it?”

​He smiled again; it never reached his eyes.

​”Make yourself at home.”

​He made a big show of snooping around my entire office. He scowled at my Monet art print. He proceeded to sit Indian style on the floor.

​”This… is real” I managed to say, impressed. “What are you looking for in return?”

​”One BILLION.”

​I shook my head. “One million, maybe…”

​He jumped up and slammed his fists into my desk. “Listen, you little nobody. Christmas is over and I’m not in a generous mood. Do you see this?” He pulled the remains of a nightshade out of his pocket. “I just spent two months in the loony bin, thanks to this…. whatever he thinks he is! He caught me off guard with some interesting ‘toys’ and made a fool of me.”

“​Not hard to do,” I thought, but didn’t speak. I had seen the story in the paper (not to mention on TV) about how Joker was found all beat up and bound in front of police headquarters thanks to Nightshade. They sent him to Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane.

​My henchmen had their guns aimed at him. He looked around and put on a ’sad little boy’ expression.
​”I just want some ‘toys’ too.” The scowl returned. “ANYTHING to get him out of my business for good.”

​”I may have someone willing to pay a million-five, but…”

​”But nothing!” he shouted and jumped over my desk. He managed to get behind me and get a knife to my throat. “Well now. If we can open our safe collection, maybe I’ll let the ‘boss laaaaaaaady’ live.”

​I was about to give out the combination to the first safe, cursing Nightshade, when said vigilante crashed into my office through the window right into Joker. I got under the desk and listened to a war of shouts and gunfire. Joker must have brought henchmen too. When the noise died, I crawled out. The office was destroyed. My beautiful mahogany desk had a couple of bullet holes and LOTS of chips and scratches. My art print looked like Swiss cheese. This caused me to almost, ALMOST, break out in tears.

“Are you okay?”

I jumped at the sound. “YOU!”

I rushed at him, all of my pent up frustration coming out at one moment. He was stronger than he looked and I wasn’t exactly clear-headed. “What’s wrong with me?” I thought, as I stopped struggling. He seemed to be thinking along the same lines as he moved me an arms length away. “What do you want? Why are you doing this?”

“I have my reasons…”

I stopped and took a look at him. No really distinguishing features; they were all covered by the costume. Even his eyes seemed veiled. He was hiding his true self… I watched him carry the battered, but not dead body of Joker over to the door. Regaining some of my courage, I glanced around and noticed the jewel. I looked up to see that he had noticed it too. Then he looked at me as if to say “Do you really want to deal with that particular piece?” Maybe I was imagining things. I walked over, picked it up, looked at it, and placed it in his hand. Then I scowled, so he wouldn’t think I liked being out a million-five.

He nodded his head in farewell, and I again thought of the “gold-plated bachelor”… but there was no way he would be out thwarting bad guys when there were parties and girls to attend to. I must have needed some tea for my nerves.