Captain’s Log

The heartbreaking feeling has fallen upon me once again. The hope of finding someone out here in this cold world has left my soul as quickly as it arrived. The power of hope came crashing down on me in a giant wave but has now subsided back into the lost ocean of doubt once again. “It was different this time”, I kept saying to myself even though in all actuality it was the same as every other time. As I lay wasting away in this forgotten capsule, I can’t help but feel the same despair as the failures I committed in the lost world. Earth forgot me and now I’m stuck feeling the confusion of the aftermath. The pressures of my brain are driving me depths that no man has ever felt. The feeling of change was the only thing keeping me up in this never-ending abyss, but now that too has decided to let me go.

Fate is a tricky game that will always end in failure. You can’t decide it and you can’t manipulate it, all you can do is follow the path it has for you. There will be sparks and ideas that make you seem in control but in all actuality it is the cruelest trick of fate. It seems like a manifest destiny at first, but then life hits you with death, adultery, lies, and hatred. We were taught about optimism and how it’s such a great tool for success, but in all actuality it’s just a mask for reality. Every day I always hope to hear the breath of another being. He or she doesn’t have to talk or listen; I just want them to be here next to me when I sleep, and one day, die. The companionship of us was the true weapon against the realities of fate, and now I’m unarmed.

As I gaze through the window out to the once glorious cosmos, I can’t help but feel the hate build up inside me. The tragedies and love of our world is now gone and never to return. The stars around me play cruel tricks on my brain and give me some hope saying, “there’s something else out there” but then my weak body gets up to the transmitter and head set to just hear disappointment. To the former people of Earth; I only have one thing to say, I miss you. To the ones I knew and to the ones I never met, I miss you. For the history of our species, I miss you. To my loving wife and my beautiful kids, I miss you and I love you so much. I will see you again one day, and when that day comes the extinct feeling of joy will come over me again. With tears rolling down my haggard face, I will never lose you again, not even God will stop me from being away from the ones I love. To my unborn son, I can’t wait to see you in my arms; your fragile body will be protected by me and, unlike God, I won’t disappoint you.

There is another star on the horizon; maybe, just maybe, I will see life again. My one prayer to the One that left me is to let me see life before I die. My fate has been playing the cruelest trick it could ever play, showing my memories of happier days. Please let me see life so I can occupy my mind with something else.

Freeman out