I miss her so much. She’s gone and now I’m stuck here in this wretched tin can floating into the abyss. The question keeps coming back, but I keep answering it with the same tears. She’s not coming back, but what else do I have to live for? As I look at the stars, I can’t help but feel her presence inside me. Why did our connection have to end like most things in life; abruptly and unexpectedly?

I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on her and how she captured me with every subtle move. The only thing beautiful in that world was her face. It feels like I am blinded by despair and she was my shade. What the hell happened to her?

It was 2009 when I laid eyes on her and I will never forget the first night we met. It was like a soothing comfort that came over us when we talked. I knew when I saw her that she was special, but I couldn’t tell her then that she was someone different and someone I had so much hope for in my life.

I told her everything that night while we drank our memories away, and I couldn’t help but stare at the beauty that made me want her so much more. Her smile lit up her face like a moon to a lightless ocean, and her eyes put me in a trance that I felt would never wear off. The sheer beauty of her eyes made me envious to not have met her sooner. Later that night, our friends dropped us off back at her house, and we snuck in to her room laughing and smoking our cigarettes. When we hit the bed it was like a connection that I have never felt with girls in the past.

Her bed was like a sanctuary for me and I was vulnerable, but I didn’t care because I was beside her. We didn’t sleep that night, but rather I held her fragile hand, and we stared each other in the eyes. I was in a bliss that was never expected nor ever felt again. When she talked, I listened to every word and now I’m stuck with nothing to listen to but our memories.

When the morning light came through her window, her eyes kept staring at me and I couldn’t help but not look away. She portrayed a glow that I never saw in any other girl, and I couldn’t help but just smile when she smiled at me. Now I don’t see the light and the voice that I thought would be with me longer has disappeared.

I leave my frequency turned on because I just hope her voice will come faintly through my headset. The possibility of that is never, but I will never forget her. I would give anything to just see her in my arms again. Her face runs through my head and my heart breaks every single day, but her memories are becoming just delusional efforts towards insanity.

I remember a dream I had two weeks after the tragedy. It was about me and her on the Georgia coast, just sitting together looking at the ocean come in and out, while the breeze hit her beautiful face. There was no one else in sight except her, and I didn’t want it any other way. All I can do now is just hope that she is happy with whatever is next for her in this mysterious universe. I just hope I will be able to meet her again and do things differently to show how much she really meant to me. I just want her to know I miss her and I’m dancing with her sweet memories again.

Until we meet again

Freeman out