Prologue: The crazy adventures of two sane women

From the outside looking in, Gigi and Helen were two normal, sane women, who had no idea what a roller coaster ride their lives would entail in the not so distant future. They married young, thinking that they had found THE ONE. That nice man with whom they’d be forever happy and be able to raise a family.

Helen and Gigi didn’t become friends until long after their divorces. When they finally met, they had both succumbed to online dating, and had found a man whom they each now thought must truly be THE ONE. Even still, at this point in time, they did not become very close, as each of them was lost in that thrill of a new love. You know the thrill. The one in which you smile all the time, skip instead of walk, and yes, tend to ignore your girl friends for a while. How sad that this thrill never seems to last very long…

It wasn’t until their lives were totally crazy that they became close friends. Why, you ask? When they were happy, there were just good things to share, and no real need for support. Life was perfect and they didn’t need advice or help. However, once love and life became complicated, they suddenly had a lot to talk about. Funny how pain brings people closer together than happiness.

Helen and Gigi worked together and met once a week to talk about work. Little did their employers know that they mainly talked about their love life and compared their online experiences during that time. They soon realized that it was not them, but the men they were finding. Not all men, however, are to blame. Let’s make that clear from the start. There are some nice men out there; just not as many as women would like nor as easily found. Maybe these nice men would like to write a book of their own, and let women like Gigi and Helen know just where they can be found. That would make it all a lot less complicated for sure.

Oh goodness, poor Gigi and Helen. If they had only known what lay ahead in the life of online dating, they might have run screaming for the hills, taking their sons with them and little else. Definitely NOT their gosh darned computers that would cause them so much trouble… funny trouble at times, sad trouble at others, and maybe, just maybe someday, happiness? But that’s skipping to the end of their story, and would ruin this book and all the time, laughter, and tears that Gigi and Helen went through to share their stories with you.

Their stories have similarities and differences. Gigi is older than Helen and her divorce was much more amicable. Their backgrounds and looks are very different. Gigi grew up in Europe and Helen grew up in the United States. Gigi is a petite brunette, and not as skinny as she’d like to be. Helen is tall, blonde, and way more svelte. Gigi has two teenage sons, whereas Helen’s son is still a toddler. Helen seems to attract the truly weird, stalker types, who want to marry her within weeks and buy her computers and expensive gifts; whereas Gigi tends to scare her men away, lends them money, buys them gifts, and has not yet received one single, solitary marriage proposal after her divorce.

They have both, however, been internet dating for two years and have many outrageous stories to prove it. Their personalities are very similar and heads turn immediately when either of them walks into a room. They are both vivacious, fun, and affectionate women who are naïve despite their pasts. Both give their hearts away too easily and fall in love too quickly. They love to laugh, dance and flirt. Oh boy, do they flirt! Anywhere they go together, they are lethal; they should come with warning labels to the poor, unwary men who are exposed to them.

Gigi has been known to not only break her toys that keep her going between her men, but has also sent a choice few of her men to the doctors, for back problems or other certain sore parts of their bodies. Helen has had marathon physical bouts, even after just being released from the hospital from heart problems and being put on bed rest. But what could they do? They both love the physical side of life, and have always had trouble saying no to it. They tend to have many men to pick from because they attract men like flies to honey. Unfortunately, they attract more pesky flies and mosquitoes than anything else. Only a few beautiful butterflies have flitted their way into their lives thus far. Such is life.

Everything you will read here is based on true stories. Truth can be stranger than fiction, as they will soon show you. The truth of the dating experiences of only two women filled up this book more quickly than you’d ever have imagined. By the way, if any men reading this book recognize the women and/or themselves in it… too bad! It really did happen this way, and they will not receive any of the royalties or film rights. Not only that, but Gigi and Helen get to pick who plays their parts in the movie, and it won’t be anyone famous or gorgeous! They should hang their heads with shame for letting these two wonderful women go. Please do not try and call them now. They are sooooo done with you!

So sit back and enjoy the stories. The book is written by Helen with both of their stories intermingled to give you an idea of how entertaining dating can be without meaning to. At the time of the stories, the way things played out was not so funny. However, in retrospect, Gigi and Helen learned how to find at least a scrap of humor in even the most painful situations in order to preserve their sanity. You will find yourself laughing out loud, crying with empathy and perhaps even recognizing yourself in these stories.

Chapter 1 How it all began

We liked each other from the very first moment we met. Gigi was a Spanish elementary teacher. I (Helen) was going to substitute teach for a fellow Spanish teacher going on maternity leave. Little did we know that day that we were soul sisters; to the bone. I was sitting with Jennie, another Spanish teacher, when Gigi bounced in, high with that happiness that only a new love brings, her face glowing, her eyes sparkling.

“Who is he and what’s his name?” asked Jennie. She knew Gigi had just joined Match.com. Gigi happily grinned at Jennie and noticed me sitting next to her. Jennie nodded her head at me and said, “Oh, this is Helen. She’ll be subbing for me when I go on maternity leave next week.”

We exchanged our greetings as Gigi burst into her story. She had just met David on Match.com and life was perfect. It was love at first sight and it was meant to be. “Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “I just met someone on Match.com too! We are going to meet in person soon.” From then on, Gigi and I began to spin our tales of how wonderful online dating was. About how lucky we were to have met that special someone so quickly. About how amazingly quick and easy it had all been. Poor Gigi and I. We were sweet, dear, naive fools who had no idea what we were in for.

Gigi and I didn’t meet again for a very long time, almost a year. This time I was ecstatic with my professional life, as I had been hired on full time to teach Spanish. However, a dark cloud now hung over the world of internet dating, and Gigi and I were not quite as ecstatically happy. Online dating had taken its toll on us, and although life had not made us cynical (ok, not totally beyond repair cynical, or to the point of barricading ourselves in a room cynical), it had taken off some of the shine and glow of our eyes and had stolen the spring in our steps. Actually, maybe we were a little more sad and jaded, more into just using men and not believing in them anymore. But that’s a whole other story…

It is easy to get ahead of oneself when there are so many stories to be told. The chapters to come will make you laugh and shake your head in disbelief. Gigi and I were not two desperate women who chased after men. No, we were raised to be trusting and innocent. We were constantly searching for the love that we thought would complete us, which is perhaps why we have so much material to write. We should have known that a person cannot be completed by someone else. One has to be whole before one is able to give anything of themselves away or accept love from another.

Gigi and I had discussed writing our stories as a book, and calling it “Two Sluts and a Concubine.” But it was all just a joke between us and Jennie for a very long time, and Jennie, the concubine, did not want to share her story. Until one day, not so long ago, when my phone rang and it was Gigi telling me that she had begun to write her stories. Gigi was suddenly inspired to write about what she had gone through for the last two years: online dating, and she was posting her stories on the literary website of a friend. In the continuing weeks, Gigi was amazed that she had a lot of fans, both women and men, simply begging for more.

At this point I felt compelled to tell my own stories, and spent an entire night fervently writing what I had gone through myself in the online dating world. I sent the first chapter to Gigi and she quickly called me back, howling with laughter, saying that this was it. We were going to do it. After all this time of talking about it, we had finally started to write our book. Gigi and I immediately saw how well our writing styles meshed, and what an amazing book it would be. We had goose bumps from the moment we began reading each other’s stories.

　To read Gigi’s first chapter go to The Adventures of a Thoroughly Confused Gigi – Part I