Facebook, the fun and the dangers

Face book. What can one say about face book? It is real and not real at the same time. It is an addiction for many, at times becoming almost more real and satisfying than your actual life. Why is this so? Because it is always there? Because it is an escape from the drudgeries and worries of daily life? Because it can be a window into your past, as you search for, find, and add many people from your childhood, youth, or college years? Is it simply a way to recapture your past and relive it again? Gigi was one of those people who can get easily hooked on things, which is why she avoided drinking, smoking, and drugs: all things that are very hard to stop doing once you start. Now sex and chocolate she gladly allowed to become addictive… those were relatively safe and didn’t hurt her!

Gigi had trouble sleeping at night at times, and face book became her life saver, as she was able to spend her sleepless nights with other insomniacs (or with friends on different time zones). Now believe it or not, Gigi didn’t want to join face book at first. Her friend Kelly had been telling her about it for months, urging her to join, saying that it was fun and she would love it. Gigi didn’t see the attraction at first; her younger son, Shane was on my space, and Gigi thought it was all rather silly and pointless. Yet one weekend she was bored and had nothing to do, so she created a face book account. She added all her friends in Michigan that she knew had accounts, and even added some of her high school students that she tutored, thinking she’d use face book as a way to drum up business for tutoring.

Soon she began to wonder about people she went to school with years ago. And she began to enter names, and if the photo seemed like the person she once knew, she’d send them a quick message, and then they’d spend days reminiscing about the old days and talking about their current lives. If there was no photo, or she wasn’t sure if it was the right person, Gigi would send dozens of messages (yes, she was THAT bored silly and had run out of men to date), asking if they were the so-and-so who went to school in Mallorca with her or to college at MSU? Gigi was amazed by how many people she actually found… over 100 she went to school with, and about a dozen from college. Funny how she found more from her childhood, especially since they lived all over the world. Gigi had a wonderful time with face book, and was soon completely and totally addicted. She found all three of her best childhood friends, and quite a few of her closest high school friends, some of whom she hadn’t heard from in more years than she wants to admit.

Next came the good old photograph search. She looked in photo albums dusty with age, in boxes under her bed, and even found photos tucked into the dozens of diaries she’d written in since she was a child. And as she was still bored and dateless, she began to scan photo after photo, and would then tag people in the photos to share her findings with them. And let me tell you, this takes quite some time and effort. But it was better than yet another hopeless blind date! At times Gigi’s time and effort paid off as her face book friends did likewise, and found old photos of Gigi that brought back so many good memories.

All too soon, Gigi found that she was reading people’s statuses every day, just to see what they were up to, and if it was something she could comment on, or join in doing. One crazy month, she and her face book friends made fun of American Idol candidates together, especially of “bikini girl” as she came to be known. Well, Gigi and her face book girls made fun of her. The face book guys simply loved bikini girl… Men! Put a cute blonde girl in a bikini and they didn’t care how badly she sang, or how stuck on herself she was.

Sometimes she’d worry because the status seemed so sad and hopeless, and she‘d send her friends cheer-me-up messages, until she found out that many people use lines from songs as their statuses! Then that line would drive her crazy as she’d try to think of the line that followed. Why was she so bad at that? It’s like not knowing the words to a song, until you hear it playing on the radio, and suddenly you are singing along. She would recognize most songs, but had to admit that quite a few stumped her. Brie , one of her favorite face book friends was especially good at finding songs that stumped Gigi.

She loved reading people’s statuses. It was a window into their lives, and made her forget that she was home alone and had no plans of her own. And yes, sadly, Gigi was soon one of those people who checks face book way too much, and leaves a running diary of her own, telling people what she was doing every few hours. Hey, if people wanted to comment on it, then they were as hooked as she was, and what was the harm? If they weren’t, then they had the right to ignore her statuses. She found a strange comfort in listing her emotions on her statuses. If she was having a bad day, or if her students were driving her crazy, she soon had dozens of messages to cheer her up. If she was feeling lonely one night, she had dozens of friends to spend time with. She even checked face book when she should have been working, and was like a teenager, sneaking peeks at her Iphone and face booking away. Facebooking. Yup, you know you are addicted when: face book terms become verbs that you use a lot.

Facebook suddenly became a world of friends:

• Old friends whom she found or who found her
• New friends she met on face book that requested her out of the blue
• Friends of friends that she met on face book, yet never in person
• School friends from elementary, middle, high school, and college. Some were her closest friends ever that she had sadly lost touch with over the years. And some were older or younger classmates from middle and high school that she had never even talked to at the time or ever kept in touch with.
• New friends who had gone to the other English-speaking schools on the Spanish island of Mallorca and whom she had not even known at the time. Many times they had friends in common. But always they had shared memories. Memories that filled many a day and night as they filled statuses with all of their favorite ones. Their favorite Spanish pastries, snacks, food, drink, beaches, restaurants, bars, discos, musical groups. Their favorite or least favorite teachers. I think the highest count of favorite memories was 300 posts in just a few hours. Of all her favorite face book friends, it was the ones who had grown up and gone to school in Mallorca that Gigi became the closest to. They might not even have known each other back then, but now they were drawn together by their memories of growing up on that idyllic island. Some of them had lived in Mallorca for years like Gigi. Some only lived there for a few years, But none of them ever forgot those years, even now more than 20-30 years later.
• Old lover friends: the past boyfriends, past dates, past lovers. A chance to rekindle the old sparks. To take a short trip down memory lane, helped along the way by one of Gigi’s many diaries. A chance to get the closure never received at the time. Yes, closure! Why don’t men realize that women need CLOSURE in order to move on. We need to break up in person… not by phone or letter or email or text or smoke signal. And many times we’d like to know what the heck happened and where it all went wrong. Gigi was able to get some closure by the men she found on face book. (The rest of her closure she received when she began writing her memoirs, and in effect just wrote them out of her hair and heart!).
• New-to-become friends who were actually her students from long ago, from her very first years of teaching. These students were now adults. And yes, Gigi flirted with some of them. How well you know her by now.
• Teacher friends: some of the friends were Gigi’s own teachers! “Thank God,” thought Gigi. “I’m NOT the oldest person on earth on face book!” Not if her teachers from elementary school had a face book account. “See?” she’d tell her sons. “It’s not strange that your mother is on face book. My teachers are on here too!”
• Flirting friends: Yes, of course Gigi flirted on face book, with men she’d gone to school with and even with one who had been her student! Well, almost was her student. Ricardo had gone to the American school in Mallorca where Gigi taught at, but he was never in her class. He was in her ex-husband’s class though! Gigi had only been 23 when she taught there, and these “students” were now in their 30’s, and we know full well how Gigi doesn’t let a little thing like age get in the way of flirting and dating and having fun. She even flirted with total strangers, and with friends of friends.
• Soon-to-be-deleted friends: There were some friends that were very quickly deleted, such as the father of one her old classmates, who was rather inappropriate with Gigi on face book one day. The last time she’d seen him she’d been 14 and had a crush on his son. Sorry, but no way in hell, no matter how lonely and bored and desperate would Gigi EVER flirt with someone whom she’d called Mr. many years ago, and who was old enough to be HER father. Yes, I know Gigi loves younger men, but she didn’t really want to date someone so old. There was even one hilarious night in which Bettina, a Scandinavian bippy on face book (whom Gigi had added just because she had once lived in Mallorca) actually dared to criticize Gigi and her wild comments on her statuses. Before Gigi could even ask for help, her face book friends were there to defend her, and they frightened Miss Danish Muffet away! Gigi truly felt the face book love that night.

Gigi was hooked on face book for many months, and it made her feel so much less alone. It was a way to share her life with friends, both near and far away. But face book also had its own dangers for Gigi. She had already fallen into the trap before of talking online with past boyfriends or friends that were married. Thankfully, I can finally say that Gigi had learned her lesson. At least that lesson. When she met someone she’d cared about in the past, and found out that he was married, she made sure not to overly flirt with him. Now, of course, being Gigi, she couldn’t help flirting…just a little… just enough to make him regret having lost her.

When Gigi found her first college lover Dick on face book, (the television show director mentioned in the last chapter) she was taken back to those feelings she once had for him in college. But she didn’t let herself fall for him again. Now Dick probably never knew just how taken she had been with him in college. They had never really had a chance back then. He studied a lot, and didn’t party as much as people on Gigi’s floor. Thankfully Gigi was a very good student, with a great memory, and didn’t flunk out of college like so many girls on her floor did. Gigi had hit party college without knowing it, and landed in party dorm.

Michigan State University was known for its parties, and Hubbard Hall was 24 floors of parties…12 of girls and 12 of boys, joined only at the first floor, but easy to go from one floor to another, and always a party or a dozen to find. Dick didn’t come to Gigi’s floor very often, but from the minute they met, there was a connection. However, they only had a few memorable encounters, in her tiny closet of a room, in the “study” room, and once on a piano. All too soon, it was over, before it ever had a chance to begin. And the next time Gigi and Dick “met” was on face book, more than twenty years later, Dick was now married and forbidden fruit. And yet when he read his one paragraph in her chapter on her sexuality, Dick felt under-represented and called himself “one paragraph Dick” and said that those other men were lucky to have had more time spent with Gigi.

Funny how these men from Gigi’s past actually wanted her to write about them, and not just in passing, but in depth. Why the heck didn’t they want that depth when they actually HAD Gigi in heir eager and willing hands? Why want and appreciate and miss her years later, when it is too late, and they are married, or live far away? Why the heck is life so hard? Why can’t we hold on to things when we have them, and only miss them when they are gone? Oh, if Gigi could solve that mystery and teach others, she really would make a fortune. So she told Dick that she only gave him a paragraph because first of all she was being discreet and trying to be safe for once, and not get another married man in trouble, and second of all that he hadn’t given her enough material in college to write about. Hmmmm…maybe he shouldn’t be the director of her film. Can you just imagine the dangers of that?

Facebook was also dangerous when the guy you were dating/seeing/sleeping with was allowed to become a friend. Not only could he see all of your present comments, but if intent enough (or jealous and possessive enough), he could scroll back through months of posts, and see just what you had been up to in the months before him. Gigi encountered a few moments of, let’s call it jealousy, from men she was casually seeing, who would get miffed if she raved about a new man in her life. One of Gigi’s best face book friends, Brie, affectionately called Miss cc, had an extremely jealous boyfriend who got angry at comments left on her wall by people. As if that was Brie’s fault!! Men… why did some of them get jealous for no reason? They made Brie and Gigi have to scroll back and delete comments and photos…

Facebook wall. So dangerous because it could be read by anyone who was your friend. Even statuses were dangerous, because then even the friend of a friend could read what you had written, even if that person was not your friend. Gigi had to end up by creating a totally new face book account, because one of her old classmates, one whom she had not known at the time, kept on writing inappropriate comments on her face book wall, and if you remember, Gigi had current students on her face book! He couldn’t understand that he had to be careful what he wrote on her wall. Gorgeous, sexy, insomniac Axel lived in Austria, and didn’t know how rigid some Americans could be about the teachers of their children. In the end though, she had to thank Axel, because she ended up with two face book accounts. A safe one for her students, and a naughty one for her adult friends. And that new account became a very wild and crazy face book for a few weeks, when Gigi and her friends let loose. Brie and Gigi spent many a wild and crazy night (just writing, sheesh!!) with their other friends from Mallorca, Axel, Don Marco, Dionne, and Shelley, giving each other nicknames, and wishing they were all still on the island they grew up on.

Facebook was a way to share special trips among friends. Anytime someone went away on vacation, up would come the many photos and statuses of days spent on the beach, or skiing, or relaxing somewhere exotic. When Gigi went to Mallorca one summer, after an absence of seven years, her face book friends were able to visit it vicariously through her, as she posted over 700 photos on her face book, and had daily statuses on what she was doing, seeing, and eating. Hmmm, even WHOM she was doing, now that I think about it!! Although they told her they hated her and were dying of jealousy, they were also able to see Mallorca again through her photos, and to remember things they did, saw, and ate. Gigi resolved to put together a Mallorca reunion for next summer. OMG Now that will be several chapters for Gigi to write about… oh the possibilities…

Facebook also became a place for Gigi to share her memoirs. When she first began to write them, she wasn’t sure how people would feel about reading such off-the-wall, honest, and crazy stuff. Especially men. She first posted her stories on the artistic website of a guy she briefly dated, and then she got the idea to send her stories to her face book friends, to see what they thought of them. And lo and behold, they liked them. They really liked them. She was even amazed that her male face book friends enjoyed reading them, and as previously mentioned, past men she dated wanted to be written about. Gigi got great advice and feedback about her stories and her writing from face book, and it gave her the encouragement and support to keep on writing. Elsie, one of Gigi’s most fervent fans even made her a face book page for fans of Gigi stories. Wow. Gigi had fans of her stories before they were even published. Maybe one day, they’d all be able to say that they saw the beginning of the adventures of Gigi.

She had facebook friends who looked forward to Wednesdays when her latest chapter would be posted. Ana, who was a friend of a friend of face book, was another of Gigi’s most fervent fans. They lived near each other, but only ever met on face book. Ana was also Latina (Cuban), and their friend in common thought that it would be highly dangerous if they were ever to meet in person. Ana would tell Gigi that her stories were so appealing because they were about every woman, and one could recognize parts of themselves in her stories. Ana joked that though Gigi had the Latina tatas, she only had the Latina culo… Ana even said that, like Gigi, she had a David in her live, just like Elsie had said she had a Nick. At times like these, when Gigi read what they wrote, she felt as though she was writing for all women, trying to give them the closure that men never allowed them to have. And maybe, just maybe, the men reading her stories, would think twice the next time they were involved with a woman… wouldn’t that be great?

Now as for the naughty part of face book; well, Gigi only truly flirted on face book with three men. Two she went to school with years ago, and the other was her almost student. With all three of them, she shared late night fantasies of what-if’s…what if we saw each other in person, what if we were able to make all of our fantasies come true. Gigi soon left face book to use the phone with Scott, one of her school friends, but that was probably because of his sexy English accent. Gigi was a sucker for a British accent. They had quite a few intense and vivid phone conversations, which was almost better sex than Gigi had had with quite a few men. With her student Ricardo, they never even spoke on the phone. They just sent hot messages to each other, or chatted live. They made plans to meet at a summer school reunion in Las Vegas that sadly never came about. Las Vegas. Can you even imagine Gigi let loose in Las Vegas? She and Brie, and her other two girl friends from school, Shelley and Dionne agreed that if the four of them ever met in Vegas it would most probably end up with them behind bars. Then again, the four of them together would be no match for the for Las Vegas cops who tried to arrest them.

Unfortunately Ricardo lived on the other side of the United States, and had no money to travel to Michigan. Whereas Scott lived in England, and definitely too far to visit. Just Gigi’s luck. She found two men, amazingly enough single, who at least on paper (on keyboard? On phone?) seemed to be just what the doctor ordered and they were out of reach. Gigi swore to herself that once she became famous, one of the first things she’d do would be go visit each of them…

Why couldn’t face book become a reality? Well, come to think of it, she did get the chance to see one of them in person, on a wild and crazy Halloween weekend, when she drove four hours away (across the Canadian border yet!) dressed in her Little Red Riding Hood outfit to see her other school friend. We’ll call him BBW (for Big Bad Wolf), but that story belongs in its own chapter, the one which talks about Gigi’s wild and crazy weekends away, in which she ran away to meet a man. Maybe I’ll make that the next chapter…

The great thing about face book was that it was always there, and there was a friend just waiting to be discovered. Why just yesterday Gigi found Jed, an old school friend whom she had such a huge crush on when she was 16. Of course at the time, he preferred her friend, Karen. After seeing her grown-up photos, he told Gigi he had been a fool to prefer Karen over her. And yes, of course Jed is married and lives far away (the last thing probably a very good thing!!). Oh Gigi, what a life you lead. Never a dull moment.

To read Part XV, see The Adventures of a Thoroughly Confused Gigi – Part XV