by Maggie Voysest

Introduction to the many new WTF/OMG chapters

Gigi took a break from men and dating, trying to clear her head. She took an even longer break from writing about them… because after 30 chapters of writing about all that wasn’t working out, let’s face it, Gigi got quite discouraged. To take her mind off of being alone and man-less, she began a blog on dating and relationships with her friend Helen. They wanted something different: a blog with real stories on dating, with real advice, with opinions from men and women, so as to try and disperse some of the dating myths. They even got many male opinions on the different aspects of dating and relationships. Their blog soon took off running in January, and now in August keeps them very busy, and does quite well traffic-wise and comment wise (adventuresindating.net for a shameless plug!!). And yet, when Gigi returned to dating, way sooner than the spring time she’d originally planned on, she soon realized she was still as thoroughly confused now as she had been a few years ago.

The only good thing she found out was this: she was not the only one confused. And it wasn’t just women who were confused. Men were just as confused about women as women were about men. She also found out that there might be a lot of men out there who are liars and jerks, but there are also women who are the female version of that (liarettes and jerkettes?). It seems as though in today’s dating world, everyone is walking around blind, making mistakes and not learning from them. Or treating people with disrespect and lack of courtesy. The nice women are not finding the nice men, and vice versa. And the bad men and women are making the nice ones shy away from dating, or making them lose their trust or turning them cynical. Why can’t the nice men find the nice women? And even more sad, why can’t the nice people like each other when they do find each other!!! Why do we seem to like the bad ones better? Because Gigi did meet some nice men along the way… she just wasn’t attracted to them. Go figure!! Isn’t that always the way?

When we last left Gigi (you might want to refresh your memory and read a few of the past chapters right about now!!), she had experienced quite a busy twelve days of Christmas. She needed a break from writing after that, and also a chance to collect more material, and collect she did. So much so that this WTF/OMG chapter might turn out to be many a chapter in the making, if not a whole other book!! She had to make a list of all the men she met, encountered, or refound, during this seven month break from writing, so as not to forget any of them. God, should I even say how many men that is, or let you count on your own… let’s just say it is over 20!! Please keep in mind that these are the men she met or talked to online, not necessarily men that she actually dated or got involved with!! That number is MUCH lower!!

The biggest problem now was how to write about them? In chronological order of appearance into her life? In order of hilarity? From bad to worse? Or in an order of who was the biggest jerk? And then should it be from the biggest jerk to the lesser jerk? Or the lesser one first? And then what to do with the nice men she met along the way? Should they go first or last? Oh goodness, Gigi’s life is never easy, is it?

How should Gigi share her newest stories with her friends and readers who’d told her they’d missed her stories? Should she start with the one she thought she fell in love with, but was wrong, baby wrong, about? Should she write about the second to last man she dated… the one who then wanted to date Gigi’s best friend Helen? Or should she start with Jean-Claude, the man with whom she has been sharing something special and unknown as of yet, on face book, phone and skype for the past few weeks without having so much as seen each other or kissed? They met many years ago in high school. Suddenly it seems to be developing into a beautiful promise of something amazing, but he is not close enough to meet in person, and so he remains “a date in destiny”. Sigh… All I know is that this sweet, sexy, wonderful Norwegian man is the one who has got Gigi writing her stories again, and he has likewise written for her. Phone texts, emails, face book messages. Beautiful things that touch her heart. Things she will keep to herself and not share. Ever. Sometimes personal writing should stay that. Personal.

Good God, maybe Gigi should just toss all these men up in the air (except Jean-Claude, of course) and see who falls and hits his head first!! The big galumphs, all of them!! Then she should send them their very own chapter, so they can see exactly what she thinks of them, and how little they actually touched her heart, and how they should be ashamed of themselves, for being on dating sites looking for that perfect woman, and yet treating them so very badly. And then, she should send the chapters to their mothers and sisters, so they would have their heads smacked. For shame!!

The important thing to remember is that Gigi was still thoroughly confused. Maybe even more so than before, because this time around she had truly done things differently (ok, maybe at times she still reverted to the “Jump in with arms wide open and eyes tightly closed” Gigi that we all know and love, but most of the time she really tried to date the proper way. The slow way. The get to know them first way. Oh, who am I trying to kid? Gigi is Gigi. She always trusts first and then laughs (or tries to after a few shed tears) afterwards.

She tried some new things, new websites, new places to meet. And still she has been meeting the same kind of men. Men who are dishonest about what they wanted. Men who don’t know what they want. Men who mislead her and maybe themselves. The. Same. Fricking. Men!! After six months of not writing, she found she had many new stories. Funny stories. Crazy stories. Sad stories. And yes, a few booty stories in there too. Gigi is still Gigi and sometimes just gives in to her needs and wants. But after all these stories, she still has no man to call her own, at least not one nearby. She has stated publicly on face book that she is in a relationship, because that is what she feels she and Jean-Claude have started, but until they meet and see where life will take them, Gigi is still alone and sleepless in Michigan.

She has her sons, friends, job. Well, she used to have a job she loved as an elementary Spanish teacher, but even there she has recently been challenged by life, as her school district ended the Spanish program. Now Gigi will be teaching 4th grade English and Social Studies. So be careful what you say out loud, because it might just come true!! Gigi used to say that even if dating sucked, at least she had a job she loved… and look at what happened there!!

She does have the dating blog. She has face book and countless friends always there for her. And her face book friends have really come through for Gigi… with their many helpful, inspiring, deep, and sometimes downright hilarious comments for the dating blog questions she comes up with. She has also made lots of new poet and writer friends, which has started Gigi on a poetry writing streak that might even threaten to overcome the Gigi story writing streak!! More on that later… back to the men in Gigi’s life.

Funny. That was the daily note on Gigi’s Iphone. Gigi’s men. She needed this note for when dating online, so as to keep them all straight in her mind. Because when Gigi joins a website, she never finds just one man. She normally finds a few and then has conversations with all of them, meets some, moves on, finds other, and it can get pretty confusing!! So much so that she even has a list of who she… kisses!! Dates!! Not… oh ok, she keeps a list of that too. This is all about being honest, and Gigi is always honest with her readers, if not always with herself. Lol, she also has a list for her girl friends, because sometimes even they forget whom they’ve dated!! Seriously!! Just ask Kelly…

When Gigi went through her list of men met since December, she realized she’d forgotten some of them already!! Two Steves and two Sams? She barely remembers one of them!! Who was the one that she only talked to on the phone for a few days, and then he disappeared without a word? When she refound him again on a dating site, she had to go back into her notes in order to remember his name!! Good God, how will I ever fit all these men into just one book!! I promise to do my best and to try and make you laugh. After all, that is the main point of my stories. To learn to laugh and love yourself, despite all that you encounter in life. Life is not for hiding from. Gigi believes in confronting it head on, taking what it has to give, dealing with it, and moving on to a bright new perfect mistake-less day. A day where maybe she will meet “The man she has not yet met.” Ok, sorry, but Gigi is taking the poetic license of sharing the poem she wrote a few weeks ago entitled just that… so here it is, one of Gigi’s first attempts at poetry since college. Actually her first attempt was quite hilarious and maybe I’ll add it to the end of this chapter: that one is called “You can’t be my boy friend!!” I read that poem out loud at a poetry venue and had people laughing and snapping their fingers, and later on some men told her that she really made them think about how they’ve treated women in the past, and that it was wrong of them to have done the things they did… See… Gigi CAN help people change their ways, or at least, at the very least, be aware of them.

The man I’ve not yet met

It seems as though
I find myself

Looking into the loving eyes
I’ve not yet adored
Listening to the sweet words
I’ve not yet heard
Kissing the delectable mouth
I’ve not yet tasted
Reaching for the sensuous caress
I’ve not yet felt.
Yearning for the passionate kiss
I’ve not yet shared.
Dreaming of the tumultuous lovemaking
I’ve not yet enjoyed.
Shaking from the shattering orgasm
I’ve not yet quivered from
Sleeping in the caring arms
I’ve not yet been enfolded by
Waking up to the teasing touch
I’ve not yet sensed
Loving the tender heart
I’ve not yet felt beat

Feeling as though
I’ve not yet loved you
Feeling as though I always have.
As if you have always been
My Destiny.
The man I’ve not yet met.

Sniff, sniff and sigh. Gigi was told by her friends that they enjoyed this poem. She has not yet found this man… at least not in person yet, though Gigi hopes with all of her heart that Jean-Claude will be the man, the one, the love she is going to grow old with. He told her the other day (and she has it taped for posterity) that they will grow old together in Mallorca, where he wants to move to one day soon.

I promise to you that Gigi will NEVER give up hope on finding him. He IS out there somewhere, and she WILL find him!! So to all you men who read Gigi’s stories and poems and face book statuses and accuse her of hating men, stick that in your pipe, smoke it and choke on it! Gigi doesn’t hate men. Not at all. She just really and truly dislikes the ones who’ve lied to her or led her on. But she still believes in the idea of a nice man being out there, and she does know that some of her friends are lucky enough to have found a man like that. Gigi is just waiting for hers.

So now for the funnies… the men she met along the way. Let’s start chronologically. Gigi joined two online websites in February. One old (singlesnet.com) and one new (Plentyoffish.com – what a name!! It makes it seem as though there are so many choices out there, that it doesn’t matter whom you meet). The funny thing was that as soon as she joined singles net, she saw sooooo many of the same men from a year ago. Still on it. Still single. Gigi wondered if this was by their choice, or if they just had Gigi’s bad luck and confusion in dating… hmmmmm, we might never know. One guy even contacted Gigi right away, and he forgot that they had actually met in person, and that it had not worked out (see chapter 1, the paranoid Jewish man Simon).

Gigi dated two of the men she met on these sites, for two months each, so she actually did get beyond the first few dates. Yet both these men were confused about what they wanted, so even though Gigi liked them, and almost fell for them, there was no real future in either relationship. In fact, neither of them ever had the courage to see where it could go, and neither of them made Gigi as happy as she is right now, thanks to her Jean-Claude. Sorry, I know that she keeps bringing up his name, and that you will have to wade through many chapters of hilarious mistakes before you get to his story, but maybe by the time it is Jean-Claude’s chapter, he will already have come to Michigan for a visit, and will therefore get an even more special chapter. Gigi truly wishes that he will be the last chapter in her life.

I think we will go with chronological order, and put her Iphone calendar notes to good use. Because quite frankly it would be hard to rate who was the biggest jerk at times. After you read these stories, however, you will understand the title of the chapter. WTF/OMG indeed!! You will be amazed that Gigi has had the inner strength to continue on her quest for that special man. You will be astounded that she just didn’t run away and join a nunnery… And thank God she didn’t give up, because the road to love led her straight to her Jean-Claude. Now, since I will be writing in chronological order, you will not get to read about Jean-Claude for a while (unless you check out our blog htt://www.adventuresindating,net, and read Gigi’s status for August). So be patient, sit back, get a glass of wine or something stronger and get ready for Gigi’s adventures in dating, from December to August.)

A preview? You want a preview on the horror stories to come? Hmmmm… how about the man who wanted to get paid for sex… or the man who had some very kinky fantasies (in a gross way) about what he wanted in bed (involving another man, and not for Gigi’s pleasure but for his own!!). Or the one who told Gigi she was too old to date… but not too old to sleep with!! No more… you’ll have to read on, my friend.