Lonnie And I (Lerlene and Granny) – Part VIOct 1st, 2009 | By W.B. Burkholder | Category: Lonnie and I, Series | 982 views
Lonnie and I was down at Cooper’s hardware store one day drinkin us some sodas. We’d go down there every now and then and talk ta old man Cooper and maybe play us some checkers or just set around and chew the hash. Folks id come in and out buyin things and what not from Cooper.
This one day Lerlene and Granny Johnson come in the store ta buy some dry goods. Lerlene was Granny’s granddaughter; nobody knew much bout Lerlene’s Ma and Pa; it always seemed as though it was just Granny and her.
Now I fer one always fancied Lerlene a bit, I thought she was mighty pretty with em pigtails n all. Lerlene was a looker, the way the sun sparkled in er eyes and er one good tooth. And boy, Granny knew it too; she’d set up on the front porch holdin that scatter gun of hers in er lap just waitin fer one of the local boys ta come sparkin Lerlene.
Yeah Granny id set up there smoking on her corncob, rubbin them chin whiskers of hers, keeping a sharp lookout.
I looked over at Lerlene who was a lookin in the candy jars and I gave er a bit of a wink. She smiled and strolled on over, lookin back ta see Granny and Cooper fussin over the price of a bag a sugar.
“Hey you,” she said, battin her eyes and flashing that one pearly white.
“Hey Lerlene,” I stood up kinda straight tryin ta look more manly and such.
“How come you ain’t been over ta see me lately? I sure do miss our late night meetins.”
I looked at her and that horrible night came a floodin back inta my memory. A while back, me and Lerlene had met up like we’d done before at Cooper’s and made plans fer me to come over ta to do some sparkin with her. Lerlene had the upstairs bedroom in the front a the house, so it was easy ta get up in there by climbin the oak that set just outside er winda. I guess with all the excitement that she was a feelin, she done forgot ta tell me that durin her and Grannie’s spring cleanin, they had decided ta change rooms over.
So there I was, a climbin that there oak spectin ta jump in the sheets with Lerlene. I slid off the branch and on ta the roof and made ma way ta the winda that was already cracked open fer me, (so’s I thought) It turned out that Granny liked ta sleep with a bit a fresh air blowin in the room.
I looked down off the roof, and there was Lonnie just a lookin back up at me, eggin me on. He’d done found his self a bushel of apples and was a chewin on em. Had a big ol grin on his face as he kept a waving fer me ta get in that there winda.
I slid it open and climbed on through. The room was dark as pitch, and I had me a time makin my way ta Lerlene’s bedside. I felt the edge a that there bed and knowed that I had made it so fer, I could hear her breathin. I jumped out a my hog washers and slid in under the sheets beside her. I put my arm up on her shoulder and she started just a bit, but relaxed. She rolled over and planted a big ol kiss right on ma mouth and commenced ta grabbin fer my nether regions. That’s when I felt somethin furry on ma chin. I was puzzled and excited both at the same time. I rolled over and struck a match ta see Granny Johnson instead a Lerlene a lyin next ta me! She was a moanin and a stickin out er tongue; worse thing was she musta taken her teeth out too! It was a sight of tongue and gums, plus them scraggily ol whiskers on her chin that hung down about three er four inches!
I tell ya, I scrambled up out that there bed lookin fer ma hog washers tryin to make my exit, fer Granny woke up, stubbin ma toes on the bed post, tryin ta getting them whiskers out betwixt ma teeth! I seen the winda and made a dive fer it, rollin out on ta the roof;
one leg in and one leg out of ma britches. I tried ta get ma balance, but it was too late. I done rolled right off that roof, and landed in that there bushel a apples setting next ta Lonnie, who by this time, had figured out what was a happenin.
I was a layin in them apples south end first tryin get up and get my hog washers on, Lonnie’s cackling like a one them rabid hyena dogs, and Grannie’s up in that there room, moanin and callin fer me ta come back up.
It was a nightmare I tell ya.
I looked over at Lerlene, “Ya gonna be home tanight?”
“N,” she said. “Im’a gonna be over at Calhoun with some of the other girls, seein a picture show.”
Granny come over about that time and give me a wink an a thumbs up. She just got done takin them whiskers off er chin and it looked like she got erself some new teeth as well…Help Support T21 with your Dollar Donation Today
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